The Shared Playlist

The app calls it "Our Mood," and it has been updating itself every morning for two years. It blends everything Eliot and his partner Kalinda listen to into one playlist. Then it adjusts the mix to how the two of them seem to feel.

Aplikasi itu menyebutnya "Our Mood", dan sudah memperbarui dirinya setiap pagi selama dua tahun. Aplikasi itu memadukan semua yang didengarkan Eliot dan pasangannya, Kalinda, menjadi satu daftar putar. Lalu ia menyesuaikan campurannya dengan perasaan mereka berdua.

Lately, though, something is wrong. Eliot notices it on the bus on Wednesday. The playlist, which used to bounce between her favorite dance tracks and his old rock albums, has turned slow and quiet. Piano. Rain sounds. A singer who whispers about leaving town.

Akhir-akhir ini, bagaimanapun, ada yang tidak beres. Eliot menyadarinya di bus pada hari Rabu. Daftar putar yang dulu melompat-lompat antara lagu dansa favorit Kalinda dan album rock lama miliknya kini berubah pelan dan sunyi. Piano. Suara hujan. Seorang penyanyi yang berbisik tentang meninggalkan kota.

He assumes the app has made a mistake. That evening, he opens the listening history to find out what he has been playing, and discovers that he hasn't played any of it. Every sad song is coming from Kalinda's side of the account.

Ia mengira aplikasi itu keliru. Malam itu, ia membuka riwayat pemutaran untuk mencari tahu apa yang selama ini ia putar, dan menemukan bahwa ia tidak memutar satu pun. Setiap lagu sedih berasal dari sisi akun Kalinda.

He sits with that for a while. She has been getting home late, and she has been quieter at dinner. When he asks if something is wrong, she says she is just tired. He has been choosing to believe her, partly because the alternative is a conversation he doesn't know how to start.

Ia termenung cukup lama. Kalinda pulang larut belakangan ini, dan lebih pendiam saat makan malam. Ketika ia bertanya apakah ada masalah, Kalinda bilang ia hanya lelah. Eliot memilih memercayainya, sebagian karena alternatifnya adalah percakapan yang tidak tahu bagaimana memulainya.

On Thursday night, he puts the phone on the table between them. "The app thinks we're sad," he says.

Kamis malam, ia meletakkan ponsel di meja di antara mereka. "Aplikasinya mengira kita sedih," katanya.

Kalinda looks at the screen, then at him. "It's not wrong," she says.

Kalinda memandang layar, lalu memandangnya. "Ia tidak salah," katanya.

"I looked at the history. These songs are yours."

"Aku melihat riwayatnya. Lagu-lagu ini milikmu."

"I know." She picks at the edge of a napkin. "I've been listening to them on the train. I didn't think the app would show you."

"Aku tahu." Ia mencabik-cabik tepi serbet. "Aku mendengarkannya di kereta. Aku tidak mengira aplikasinya akan menunjukkannya kepadamu."

"It shows everything," Eliot says. "That's what it's for."

"Ia menunjukkan semuanya," kata Eliot. "Itulah gunanya."

For a minute, neither of them speaks. Then she tells him about the job in the north. It was offered three weeks ago, and she has been carrying it around ever since. She didn't want to ask him to leave the city. She didn't want to give up the offer either, so she said nothing and let the music do her thinking.

Semenit lamanya, tak seorang pun bicara. Lalu Kalinda bercerita tentang pekerjaan di utara. Tawaran itu datang tiga minggu lalu, dan sejak itu ia memikulnya sendirian. Ia tidak ingin memintanya meninggalkan kota. Ia juga tidak ingin melepas tawaran itu, jadi ia tidak mengatakan apa-apa dan membiarkan musik yang berpikir untuknya.

"If I had told you sooner," she says, "you would have said it was fine, and I wouldn't have believed you."

"Kalau aku bilang lebih awal," katanya, "kamu akan bilang tidak apa-apa, dan aku tidak akan memercayainya."

"You might be right," he admits. "I would have said it was fine."

"Mungkin kamu benar," Eliot mengaku. "Aku pasti akan bilang tidak apa-apa."

They talk until the soup goes cold. Nothing is decided, but several things are said that should have been said weeks earlier.

Mereka bicara sampai sup mereka dingin. Belum ada yang diputuskan, tetapi beberapa hal terucap yang seharusnya sudah diucapkan berminggu-minggu sebelumnya.

Around midnight, the app refreshes itself and asks, in small gray letters, how the mood has changed. Eliot hands her the phone. She chooses "mixed," and the first song to come out of the speaker is a loud, ridiculous tune from the summer they met.

Menjelang tengah malam, aplikasi itu memperbarui dirinya dan bertanya, dengan huruf abu-abu kecil, bagaimana suasana hati mereka berubah. Eliot menyerahkan ponsel kepadanya. Kalinda memilih "campur aduk", dan lagu pertama yang keluar dari pengeras suara adalah lagu riang yang konyol dari musim panas ketika mereka bertemu.

Neither of them reaches for the skip button.

Tak seorang pun dari mereka meraih tombol lewati.