An Upheaval

Mashenka Pavletsky, a young girl who had only just finished her studies at a boarding school, returning from a walk to the house of the Kushkins, with whom she was living as a governess, found the household in a terrible turmoil. Mihailo, the porter who opened the door to her, was excited and red as a crab.

Mashenka Pavletsky, seorang gadis muda yang baru saja menyelesaikan pendidikannya di sebuah sekolah asrama, pulang dari jalan-jalan menuju rumah keluarga Kushkin, tempat ia tinggal sebagai pengasuh, dan mendapati seisi rumah dalam kekacauan yang mengerikan. Mihailo, tukang pintu yang membukakan pintu untuknya, tampak gelisah dan merah seperti kepiting.

Loud voices were heard from upstairs.

Suara-suara keras terdengar dari lantai atas.

"Madame Kushkin is in a fit, most likely, or else she has quarrelled with her husband," thought Mashenka.

"Nyonya Kushkin pasti sedang kambuh, atau mungkin sedang bertengkar dengan suaminya," pikir Mashenka.

In the hall and in the corridor she met maid-servants. One of them was crying. Then Mashenka saw, running out of her room, the master of the house himself, Nikolay Sergeitch, a little man with a flabby face and a bald head, though he was not old. He was red in the face and twitching all over. He passed the governess without noticing her, and throwing up his arms, exclaimed:

Di aula dan di lorong ia berpapasan dengan para pelayan perempuan. Salah satu dari mereka sedang menangis. Kemudian Mashenka melihat, berlari keluar dari kamarnya, tuan rumah sendiri, Nikolay Sergeitch, seorang pria kecil dengan wajah lembek dan kepala botak, meski usianya belum tua. Wajahnya memerah dan seluruh tubuhnya bergetar. Ia berlalu melewati sang pengasuh tanpa menyadarinya, dan sambil mengangkat kedua tangannya, berseru:

"Oh, how horrible it is! How tactless! How stupid! How barbarous! Abominable!"

"Oh, betapa mengerikannya ini! Betapa tidak berperasaan! Betapa bodohnya! Betapa biadab! Keji sekali!"

Mashenka went into her room, and then, for the first time in her life, it was her lot to experience in all its acuteness the feeling that is so familiar to persons in dependent positions, who eat the bread of the rich and powerful, and cannot speak their minds. There was a search going on in her room. The lady of the house, Fedosya Vassilyevna, a stout, broad-shouldered, uncouth woman with thick black eyebrows, a faintly perceptible moustache, and red hands, who was exactly like a plain, illiterate cook in face and manners, was standing, without her cap on, at the table, putting back into Mashenka's workbag balls of wool, scraps of materials, and bits of paper…

Mashenka masuk ke kamarnya, dan kemudian, untuk pertama kalinya dalam hidupnya, ia harus merasakan sepenuhnya perasaan yang begitu akrab bagi orang-orang yang hidup bergantung, yang makan roti dari orang-orang kaya dan berkuasa, dan tidak dapat mengutarakan isi hatinya. Ada penggeledahan yang sedang berlangsung di kamarnya. Nyonya rumah, Fedosya Vassilyevna, seorang wanita gemuk, berbahu lebar, dan kasar, dengan alis tebal berwarna hitam, kumis tipis yang samar terlihat, dan tangan yang merah, yang wajah dan sikapnya benar-benar seperti juru masak biasa yang tak terpelajar, berdiri, tanpa topinya, di meja, mengembalikan ke dalam tas kerja Mashenka bola-bola benang wol, potongan-potongan kain, dan kertas-kertas kecil…

Evidently the governess's arrival took her by surprise, since, on looking round and seeing the girl's pale and astonished face, she was a little taken aback, and muttered:

Ternyata kedatangan sang pengasuh mengejutkannya, sebab, ketika ia menoleh dan melihat wajah pucat dan tercengang gadis itu, ia sedikit gugup, dan bergumam:

"Pardon. I … I upset it accidentally… My sleeve caught in it …"

"Maaf. Saya … saya menjatuhkannya tanpa sengaja… Lengan baju saya tersangkut di dalamnya…"

And saying something more, Madame Kushkin rustled her long skirts and went out. Mashenka looked round her room with wondering eyes, and, unable to understand it, not knowing what to think, shrugged her shoulders, and turned cold with dismay. What had Fedosya Vassilyevna been looking for in her work-bag? If she really had, as she said, caught her sleeve in it and upset everything, why had Nikolay Sergeitch dashed out of her room so excited and red in the face? Why was one drawer of the table pulled out a little way? The money-box, in which the governess put away ten kopeck pieces and old stamps, was open.

Dan sambil mengucapkan sesuatu lagi, Nyonya Kushkin membuat rok panjangnya berdesir dan keluar. Mashenka memandangi kamarnya dengan mata penuh keheranan, dan, tak mampu memahaminya, tak tahu harus berpikir apa, mengangkat bahu, lalu merasa dingin karena putus asa. Apa yang dicari Fedosya Vassilyevna dalam tas kerjanya? Jika benar, seperti yang dikatakannya, lengan bajunya tersangkut dan membuat semuanya berantakan, mengapa Nikolay Sergeitch berlari keluar dari kamarnya dalam keadaan begitu gelisah dan memerah wajahnya? Mengapa salah satu laci meja tertarik keluar sedikit? Kotak uang, tempat sang pengasuh menyimpan uang logam sepuluh kopek dan perangko lama, dalam keadaan terbuka.

They had opened it, but did not know how to shut it, though they had scratched the lock all over. The whatnot with her books on it, the things on the table, the bed—all bore fresh traces of a search. Her linen-basket, too. The linen had been carefully folded, but it was not in the same order as Mashenka had left it when she went out. So the search had been thorough, most thorough. But what was it for? Why? What had happened? Mashenka remembered the excited porter, the general turmoil which was still going on, the weeping servant-girl; had it not all some connection with the search that had just been made in her room?

Mereka telah membukanya, tetapi tidak tahu cara menutupnya kembali, meski mereka telah menggores kuncinya habis-habisan. Rak buku dengan buku-bukunya, barang-barang di meja, tempat tidur—semuanya menunjukkan jejak segar dari sebuah penggeledahan. Keranjang cuciannya juga. Cuciannya telah dilipat dengan rapi, tetapi susunannya tidak sama seperti ketika Mashenka meninggalkannya saat pergi. Jadi penggeledahan itu telah dilakukan secara menyeluruh, sangat menyeluruh. Tetapi untuk apa? Mengapa? Apa yang telah terjadi? Mashenka teringat tukang pintu yang gelisah, kekacauan umum yang masih berlangsung, pelayan perempuan yang menangis; bukankah semua ini ada hubungannya dengan penggeledahan yang baru saja dilakukan di kamarnya?

Was not she mixed up in something dreadful? Mashenka turned pale, and feeling cold all over, sank on to her linen-basket.

Bukankah ia terlibat dalam sesuatu yang mengerikan? Mashenka menjadi pucat, dan merasa dingin di sekujur tubuhnya, terduduk lemas di atas keranjang cuciannya.

A maid-servant came into the room.

Seorang pelayan perempuan masuk ke kamar itu.

"Liza, you don't know why they have been rummaging in my room?" the governess asked her.

"Liza, kau tidak tahu mengapa mereka mengobrak-abrik kamarku?" tanya sang pengasuh kepadanya.

"Mistress has lost a brooch worth two thousand," said Liza.

"Nyonya kehilangan bros senilai dua ribu," kata Liza.

"Yes, but why have they been rummaging in my room?"

"Ya, tapi mengapa mereka mengobrak-abrik kamarku?"

"They've been searching every one, miss. They've searched all my things, too. They stripped us all naked and searched us… God knows, miss, I never went near her toilet-table, let alone touching the brooch. I shall say the same at the police-station."

"Mereka menggeledah semua orang, nona. Mereka juga menggeledah semua barang-barangku. Mereka menelanjangi kami semua dan menggeledah kami… Tuhan tahu, nona, saya tidak pernah mendekati meja rias nyonya, apalagi menyentuh brosnya. Saya akan mengatakan hal yang sama di kantor polisi."

"But … why have they been rummaging here?" the governess still wondered.

"Tapi … mengapa mereka mengobrak-abrik di sini?" sang pengasuh masih heran.

"A brooch has been stolen, I tell you. The mistress has been rummaging in everything with her own hands. She even searched Mihailo, the porter, herself. It's a perfect disgrace! Nikolay Sergeitch simply looks on and cackles like a hen. But you've no need to tremble like that, miss. They found nothing here. You've nothing to be afraid of if you didn't take the brooch."

"Sebuah bros telah dicuri, kata saya. Nyonya sendiri yang mengobrak-abrik semuanya dengan tangannya sendiri. Ia bahkan menggeledah Mihailo, si tukang pintu, sendiri. Itu benar-benar memalukan! Nikolay Sergeitch hanya melihat-lihat saja dan berkotek seperti ayam betina. Tapi nona tidak perlu gemetar seperti itu. Mereka tidak menemukan apa-apa di sini. Nona tidak perlu takut jika nona tidak mengambil bros itu."

"But, Liza, it's vile … it's insulting," said Mashenka, breathless with indignation. "It's so mean, so low! What right had she to suspect me and to rummage in my things?"

"Tapi, Liza, ini keji … ini menghina," kata Mashenka, terengah-engah karena kemarahan. "Ini begitu rendah, begitu hina! Hak apa yang ia miliki untuk mencurigaiku dan mengobrak-abrik barang-barangku?"

"You are living with strangers, miss," sighed Liza. "Though you are a young lady, still you are … as it were … a servant… It's not like living with your papa and mamma."

"Nona tinggal bersama orang asing," desah Liza. "Meski nona seorang nona muda, tetap saja nona … bisa dibilang … seorang pelayan… Ini tidak seperti tinggal bersama papa dan mama nona."

Mashenka threw herself on the bed and sobbed bitterly. Never in her life had she been subjected to such an outrage, never had she been so deeply insulted… She, well-educated, refined, the daughter of a teacher, was suspected of theft; she had been searched like a street-walker! She could not imagine a greater insult. And to this feeling of resentment was added an oppressive dread of what would come next. All sorts of absurd ideas came into her mind.

Mashenka menjatuhkan diri ke tempat tidur dan menangis tersedu-sedu dengan pahit. Belum pernah dalam hidupnya ia mengalami penghinaan seperti ini, belum pernah ia dihina sedemikian dalam… Dirinya, yang berpendidikan baik, terpelajar, putri seorang guru, dicurigai mencuri; ia telah digeledah seperti seorang wanita jalanan! Ia tidak dapat membayangkan penghinaan yang lebih besar. Dan pada perasaan dendam ini ditambah lagi rasa cemas yang menekan tentang apa yang akan terjadi selanjutnya. Segala macam pikiran konyol muncul di benaknya.

If they could suspect her of theft, then they might arrest her, strip her naked, and search her, then lead her through the street with an escort of soldiers, cast her into a cold, dark cell with mice and woodlice, exactly like the dungeon in which Princess Tarakanov was imprisoned. Who would stand up for her? Her parents lived far away in the provinces; they had not the money to come to her. In the capital she was as solitary as in a desert, without friends or kindred. They could do what they liked with her.

Jika mereka bisa mencurigainya mencuri, maka mereka bisa menangkapnya, menelanjanginya, dan menggeledahnya, kemudian menggiringnya melalui jalanan dengan pengawalan tentara, melemparkannya ke dalam sel yang dingin dan gelap dengan tikus dan kutu kayu, persis seperti penjara bawah tanah tempat Putri Tarakanov dipenjarakan. Siapa yang akan membelanya? Orang tuanya tinggal jauh di provinsi; mereka tidak punya uang untuk datang menemuinya. Di ibu kota ia sendirian seperti di padang gurun, tanpa teman atau kerabat. Mereka bisa berbuat apa saja terhadapnya.

"I will go to all the courts and all the lawyers," Mashenka thought, trembling. "I will explain to them, I will take an oath… They will believe that I could not be a thief!"

"Aku akan pergi ke semua pengadilan dan semua pengacara," pikir Mashenka, gemetar. "Aku akan menjelaskan kepada mereka, aku akan bersumpah… Mereka akan percaya bahwa aku tidak mungkin seorang pencuri!"

Mashenka remembered that under the sheets in her basket she had some sweetmeats, which, following the habits of her schooldays, she had put in her pocket at dinner and carried off to her room. She felt hot all over, and was ashamed at the thought that her little secret was known to the lady of the house; and all this terror, shame, resentment, brought on an attack of palpitation of the heart, which set up a throbbing in her temples, in her heart, and deep down in her stomach.

Mashenka teringat bahwa di bawah seprai dalam keranjangnya ia menyimpan beberapa manisan, yang, mengikuti kebiasaan masa sekolahnya, ia masukkan ke sakunya saat makan malam dan bawa ke kamarnya. Ia merasa panas di sekujur tubuhnya, dan malu memikirkan bahwa rahasia kecilnya diketahui oleh nyonya rumah; dan semua ketakutan, rasa malu, dan dendam ini, memicu serangan jantung berdebar, yang menimbulkan denyutan di pelipisnya, di jantungnya, dan jauh di dalam perutnya.

"Dinner is ready," the servant summoned Mashenka.

"Makan malam sudah siap," pelayan itu memanggil Mashenka.

"Shall I go, or not?"

"Haruskah aku pergi, atau tidak?"

Mashenka brushed her hair, wiped her face with a wet towel, and went into the dining-room. There they had already begun dinner. At one end of the table sat Fedosya Vassilyevna with a stupid, solemn, serious face; at the other end Nikolay Sergeitch. At the sides there were the visitors and the children. The dishes were handed by two footmen in swallowtails and white gloves. Every one knew that there was an upset in the house, that Madame Kushkin was in trouble, and every one was silent. Nothing was heard but the sound of munching and the rattle of spoons on the plates.

Mashenka menyisir rambutnya, mengusap wajahnya dengan handuk basah, dan pergi ke ruang makan. Di sana mereka sudah mulai makan malam. Di salah satu ujung meja duduk Fedosya Vassilyevna dengan wajah bodoh, khidmat, dan serius; di ujung lainnya Nikolay Sergeitch. Di sisi-sisinya ada para tamu dan anak-anak. Hidangan disajikan oleh dua pelayan pria berjas ekor dan sarung tangan putih. Setiap orang tahu bahwa ada kekacauan di rumah itu, bahwa Nyonya Kushkin sedang bermasalah, dan semua orang diam. Tak ada yang terdengar kecuali suara kunyahan dan dentingan sendok di piring.

The lady of the house, herself, was the first to speak.

Nyonya rumah sendiri yang pertama kali berbicara.

"What is the third course?" she asked the footman in a weary, injured voice.

"Apa hidangan ketiga?" tanyanya kepada pelayan pria dengan suara lelah dan tersinggung.

"Esturgeon à la russe," answered the footman.

"Esturgeon à la russe," jawab pelayan itu.

"I ordered that, Fenya," Nikolay Sergeitch hastened to observe. "I wanted some fish. If you don't like it, ma chère, don't let them serve it. I just ordered it…"

"Aku yang memesan itu, Fenya," Nikolay Sergeitch buru-buru berkata. "Aku ingin ikan. Kalau kau tidak suka, ma chère, jangan biarkan mereka menyajikannya. Aku hanya memesannya…"

Fedosya Vassilyevna did not like dishes that she had not ordered herself, and now her eyes filled with tears.

Fedosya Vassilyevna tidak suka hidangan yang tidak ia pesan sendiri, dan kini matanya berkaca-kaca.

"Come, don't let us agitate ourselves," Mamikov, her household doctor, observed in a honeyed voice, just touching her arm, with a smile as honeyed. "We are nervous enough as it is. Let us forget the brooch! Health is worth more than two thousand roubles!"

"Ayolah, jangan sampai kita gelisah," ucap Mamikov, dokter keluarganya, dengan suara manis, hanya menyentuh lengannya, dengan senyuman yang sama manisnya. "Kita sudah cukup gugup seperti ini. Mari kita lupakan bros itu! Kesehatan lebih berharga daripada dua ribu rubel!"

"It's not the two thousand I regret," answered the lady, and a big tear rolled down her cheek. "It's the fact itself that revolts me! I cannot put up with thieves in my house. I don't regret it—I regret nothing; but to steal from me is such ingratitude! That's how they repay me for my kindness…"

"Bukan dua ribu itu yang aku sesali," jawab sang nyonya, dan setetes air mata besar mengalir di pipinya. "Kenyataan itu sendiri yang membuatku muak! Aku tidak tahan dengan pencuri di rumahku. Aku tidak menyesalinya—aku tidak menyesali apa pun; tetapi mencuri dariku adalah bentuk ketidaktahuberterimakasihan yang luar biasa! Begitulah cara mereka membalas kebaikanku…"

They all looked into their plates, but Mashenka fancied after the lady's words that every one was looking at her. A lump rose in her throat; she began crying and put her handkerchief to her lips.

Mereka semua menatap piring masing-masing, tetapi Mashenka membayangkan setelah ucapan sang nyonya bahwa semua orang sedang menatapnya. Ada gumpalan yang naik ke tenggorokannya; ia mulai menangis dan menempelkan saputangannya ke bibirnya.

"Pardon," she muttered. "I can't help it. My head aches. I'll go away."

"Maaf," gumamnya. "Aku tak tahan. Kepalaku sakit. Aku akan pergi."

And she got up from the table, scraping her chair awkwardly, and went out quickly, still more overcome with confusion.

Dan ia bangkit dari meja, menggeser kursinya dengan canggung, dan keluar dengan cepat, semakin diliputi rasa malu.

"It's beyond everything!" said Nikolay Sergeitch, frowning. "What need was there to search her room? How out of place it was!"

"Ini keterlaluan!" kata Nikolay Sergeitch, mengerutkan kening. "Apa perlunya menggeledah kamarnya? Betapa tidak pada tempatnya!"

"I don't say she took the brooch," said Fedosya Vassilyevna, "but can you answer for her? To tell the truth, I haven't much confidence in these learned paupers."

"Aku tidak bilang dia mengambil bros itu," kata Fedosya Vassilyevna, "tapi bisakah kau menjaminnya? Sejujurnya, aku tidak begitu percaya pada orang-orang miskin terpelajar semacam itu."

"It really was unsuitable, Fenya… Excuse me, Fenya, but you've no kind of legal right to make a search."

"Itu memang tidak pantas, Fenya… Maafkan aku, Fenya, tapi kau tidak punya hak hukum apa pun untuk melakukan penggeledahan."

"I know nothing about your laws. All I know is that I've lost my brooch. And I will find the brooch!" She brought her fork down on the plate with a clatter, and her eyes flashed angrily. "And you eat your dinner, and don't interfere in what doesn't concern you!"

"Aku tidak tahu apa-apa soal hukummu. Yang kutahu hanyalah aku kehilangan brosku. Dan aku akan menemukan bros itu!" Ia menghentakkan garpunya ke piring dengan bunyi berdenting, dan matanya berkilat marah. "Dan kau, makanlah, jangan ikut campur urusan yang bukan urusanmu!"

Nikolay Sergeitch dropped his eyes mildly and sighed. Meanwhile Mashenka, reaching her room, flung herself on her bed. She felt now neither alarm nor shame, but she felt an intense longing to go and slap the cheeks of this hard, arrogant, dull-witted, prosperous woman.

Nikolay Sergeitch menundukkan matanya dengan lembut dan menghela napas. Sementara itu Mashenka, setelah sampai di kamarnya, menjatuhkan diri ke tempat tidurnya. Kini ia tidak lagi merasa cemas maupun malu, tetapi ia merasakan keinginan yang menggebu untuk pergi dan menampar pipi wanita yang keras, angkuh, tumpul, dan berkecukupan ini.

Lying on her bed she breathed into her pillow and dreamed of how nice it would be to go and buy the most expensive brooch and fling it into the face of this bullying woman. If only it were God's will that Fedosya Vassilyevna should come to ruin and wander about begging, and should taste all the horrors of poverty and dependence, and that Mashenka, whom she had insulted, might give her alms! Oh, if only she could come in for a big fortune, could buy a carriage, and could drive noisily past the windows so as to be envied by that woman!

Sambil berbaring di tempat tidurnya ia menghembuskan napas ke bantalnya dan membayangkan betapa menyenangkannya jika ia pergi membeli bros paling mahal dan melemparkannya ke wajah wanita yang gemar merundung ini. Andai saja Tuhan berkehendak agar Fedosya Vassilyevna jatuh bangkrut dan mengembara mengemis, dan merasakan semua kengerian kemiskinan dan ketergantungan, dan agar Mashenka, yang telah dihinanya, bisa memberinya sedekah! Oh, andai saja ia bisa mendapatkan harta besar, bisa membeli kereta kuda, dan bisa melaju dengan riuh melewati jendela-jendela itu agar dicemburui oleh wanita itu!

But all these were only dreams, in reality there was only one thing left to do—to get away as quickly as possible, not to stay another hour in this place. It was true it was terrible to lose her place, to go back to her parents, who had nothing; but what could she do? Mashenka could not bear the sight of the lady of the house nor of her little room; she felt stifled and wretched here. She was so disgusted with Fedosya Vassilyevna, who was so obsessed by her illnesses and her supposed aristocratic rank, that everything in the world seemed to have become coarse and unattractive because this woman was living in it.

Tetapi semua ini hanyalah khayalan, dalam kenyataannya hanya ada satu hal yang tersisa untuk dilakukan—pergi secepat mungkin, tidak tinggal lagi satu jam pun di tempat ini. Memang benar sangat mengerikan kehilangan pekerjaannya, kembali kepada orang tuanya, yang tidak memiliki apa-apa; tetapi apa yang bisa ia lakukan? Mashenka tidak tahan melihat nyonya rumah maupun kamar kecilnya sendiri; ia merasa sesak dan sengsara di sini. Ia begitu jijik dengan Fedosya Vassilyevna, yang begitu terobsesi dengan penyakit-penyakitnya dan status bangsawan yang dianggapnya, sehingga segala sesuatu di dunia ini seakan menjadi kasar dan tidak menarik karena wanita ini hidup di dalamnya.

Mashenka jumped up from the bed and began packing.

Mashenka melompat bangun dari tempat tidur dan mulai berkemas.

"May I come in?" asked Nikolay Sergeitch at the door; he had come up noiselessly to the door, and spoke in a soft, subdued voice. "May I?"

"Boleh aku masuk?" tanya Nikolay Sergeitch di pintu; ia telah mendekati pintu tanpa suara, dan berbicara dengan suara lembut dan pelan. "Boleh?"

"Come in."

"Masuklah."

He came in and stood still near the door. His eyes looked dim and his red little nose was shiny. After dinner he used to drink beer, and the fact was perceptible in his walk, in his feeble, flabby hands.

Ia masuk dan berdiri diam di dekat pintu. Matanya tampak sayu dan hidung kecilnya yang merah mengkilap. Setelah makan malam ia biasa minum bir, dan hal itu terlihat jelas dari langkahnya, dari tangannya yang lemah dan lembek.

"What's this?" he asked, pointing to the basket.

"Apa ini?" tanyanya, menunjuk ke arah keranjang itu.

"I am packing. Forgive me, Nikolay Sergeitch, but I cannot remain in your house. I feel deeply insulted by this search!"

"Aku sedang berkemas. Maafkan aku, Nikolay Sergeitch, tapi aku tidak bisa tinggal di rumahmu. Aku merasa sangat terhina oleh penggeledahan ini!"

"I understand… Only you are wrong to go. Why should you? They've searched your things, but you … what does it matter to you? You will be none the worse for it."

"Aku mengerti… Hanya saja kau salah kalau pergi. Kenapa harus begitu? Mereka memang menggeledah barang-barangmu, tapi kau … apa pengaruhnya bagimu? Kau tidak akan dirugikan karenanya."

Mashenka was silent and went on packing. Nikolay Sergeitch pinched his moustache, as though wondering what he should say next, and went on in an ingratiating voice:

Mashenka diam dan terus berkemas. Nikolay Sergeitch mencubit kumisnya, seolah memikirkan apa yang harus dikatakan selanjutnya, dan melanjutkan dengan suara merayu:

"I understand, of course, but you must make allowances. You know my wife is nervous, headstrong; you mustn't judge her too harshly."

"Aku tentu saja mengerti, tapi kau harus bisa memaklumi. Kau tahu istriku itu gugupan, keras kepala; kau tidak boleh terlalu keras menilainya."

Mashenka did not speak.

Mashenka tidak berbicara.

"If you are so offended," Nikolay Sergeitch went on, "well, if you like, I'm ready to apologise. I ask your pardon."

"Kalau kau begitu tersinggung," lanjut Nikolay Sergeitch, "baiklah, kalau kau mau, aku siap meminta maaf. Aku memohon maafmu."

Mashenka made no answer, but only bent lower over her box. This exhausted, irresolute man was of absolutely no significance in the household. He stood in the pitiful position of a dependent and hanger-on, even with the servants, and his apology meant nothing either.

Mashenka tidak menjawab, hanya membungkuk lebih dalam di atas kotaknya. Pria yang lelah dan tidak berpendirian ini sama sekali tidak berarti apa-apa di rumah itu. Ia berada dalam posisi menyedihkan sebagai orang yang bergantung dan menumpang, bahkan di hadapan para pelayan, dan permintaan maafnya pun tidak berarti apa-apa.

"H'm!… You say nothing! That's not enough for you. In that case, I will apologise for my wife. In my wife's name… She behaved tactlessly, I admit it as a gentleman…"

"Hm!… Kau tidak bicara apa-apa! Itu belum cukup bagimu. Kalau begitu, aku akan meminta maaf atas nama istriku. Atas nama istriku… Ia bersikap tidak berperasaan, aku mengakuinya sebagai seorang pria terhormat…"

Nikolay Sergeitch walked about the room, heaved a sigh, and went on:

Nikolay Sergeitch berjalan mondar-mandir di kamar itu, menghela napas, lalu melanjutkan:

"Then you want me to have it rankling here, under my heart… You want my conscience to torment me…"

"Jadi kau ingin aku terus dihantui rasa ini, di dalam hatiku… Kau ingin nuraniku menyiksaku terus…"

"I know it's not your fault, Nikolay Sergeitch," said Mashenka, looking him full in the face with her big tear-stained eyes. "Why should you worry yourself?"

"Aku tahu ini bukan salahmu, Nikolay Sergeitch," kata Mashenka, menatap lurus ke wajahnya dengan matanya yang besar dan basah oleh air mata. "Mengapa kau harus mencemaskan dirimu sendiri?"

"Of course, no… But still, don't you … go away. I entreat you."

"Tentu saja, tidak… Tapi tetap saja, jangan kau … pergi. Aku memohon padamu."

Mashenka shook her head. Nikolay Sergeitch stopped at the window and drummed on the pane with his finger-tips.

Mashenka menggelengkan kepalanya. Nikolay Sergeitch berhenti di dekat jendela dan mengetuk-ngetuk kaca dengan ujung jarinya.

"Such misunderstandings are simply torture to me," he said. "Why, do you want me to go down on my knees to you, or what? Your pride is wounded, and here you've been crying and packing up to go; but I have pride, too, and you do not spare it! Or do you want me to tell you what I would not tell as Confession? Do you? Listen; you want me to tell you what I won't tell the priest on my deathbed?"

"Kesalahpahaman semacam ini benar-benar menyiksaku," katanya. "Apa, kau ingin aku berlutut di hadapanmu, atau bagaimana? Harga dirimu terluka, dan di sini kau menangis dan berkemas untuk pergi; tapi aku juga punya harga diri, dan kau tidak menghormatinya! Atau kau ingin aku memberitahumu sesuatu yang bahkan tidak akan kuceritakan saat pengakuan dosa? Kau mau? Dengar; kau ingin aku memberitahumu apa yang tidak akan kukatakan pada pastor di ranjang kematianku?"

Mashenka made no answer.

Mashenka tidak menjawab.

"I took my wife's brooch," Nikolay Sergeitch said quickly. "Is that enough now? Are you satisfied? Yes, I … took it… But, of course, I count on your discretion… For God's sake, not a word, not half a hint to any one!"

"Aku yang mengambil bros istriku," kata Nikolay Sergeitch dengan cepat. "Apa itu sudah cukup sekarang? Apa kau puas? Ya, aku … mengambilnya… Tapi, tentu saja, aku mengandalkan kebijaksanaanmu… Demi Tuhan, jangan sepatah kata pun, jangan setengah isyarat pun kepada siapa pun!"

Mashenka, amazed and frightened, went on packing; she snatched her things, crumpled them up, and thrust them anyhow into the box and the basket. Now, after this candid avowal on the part of Nikolay Sergeitch, she could not remain another minute, and could not understand how she could have gone on living in the house before.

Mashenka, terkejut dan ketakutan, terus berkemas; ia menyambar barang-barangnya, meremasnya, dan menjejalkannya sembarangan ke dalam kotak dan keranjang. Kini, setelah pengakuan jujur dari Nikolay Sergeitch ini, ia tidak bisa tinggal semenit pun lagi, dan tidak bisa mengerti bagaimana ia bisa terus tinggal di rumah itu sebelumnya.

"And it's nothing to wonder at," Nikolay Sergeitch went on after a pause. "It's an everyday story! I need money, and she … won't give it to me. It was my father's money that bought this house and everything, you know! It's all mine, and the brooch belonged to my mother, and … it's all mine! And she took it, took possession of everything… I can't go to law with her, you'll admit… I beg you most earnestly, overlook it … stay on. Tout comprendre, tout pardonner. Will you stay?"

"Dan itu tidak perlu diherankan," lanjut Nikolay Sergeitch setelah berhenti sejenak. "Itu cerita sehari-hari! Aku butuh uang, dan dia … tidak mau memberikannya padaku. Uang ayahku yang membeli rumah ini dan segalanya, kau tahu! Semuanya milikku, dan bros itu milik ibuku, dan … semuanya milikku! Dan dia mengambilnya, menguasai segalanya… Aku tidak bisa membawanya ke pengadilan, kau tentu paham… Aku memohon dengan sungguh-sungguh, lupakanlah … tinggallah. Tout comprendre, tout pardonner. Maukah kau tinggal?"

"No!" said Mashenka resolutely, beginning to tremble. "Let me alone, I entreat you!"

"Tidak!" kata Mashenka dengan tegas, mulai gemetar. "Biarkan aku sendiri, aku memohon padamu!"

"Well, God bless you!" sighed Nikolay Sergeitch, sitting down on the stool near the box. "I must own I like people who still can feel resentment, contempt, and so on. I could sit here forever and look at your indignant face… So you won't stay, then? I understand… It's bound to be so … Yes, of course… It's all right for you, but for me—wo-o-o-o!… I can't stir a step out of this cellar. I'd go off to one of our estates, but in every one of them there are some of my wife's rascals … stewards, experts, damn them all! They mortgage and remortgage… You mustn't catch fish, must keep off the grass, mustn't break the trees."

"Baiklah, semoga Tuhan memberkatimu!" Nikolay Sergeitch menghela napas, duduk di bangku dekat kotak itu. "Aku harus mengakui aku suka orang-orang yang masih bisa merasakan dendam, penghinaan, dan semacamnya. Aku bisa duduk di sini selamanya dan menatap wajahmu yang marah… Jadi kau tidak mau tinggal, ya? Aku mengerti… Memang harus begitu … Ya, tentu saja… Bagimu semua ini baik-baik saja, tapi bagiku—aduuuh!… Aku tidak bisa melangkah keluar dari ruang bawah tanah ini. Aku ingin pergi ke salah satu tanah milik kami, tapi di setiap tempat ada saja bajingan-bajingan istriku … pengurus, ahli, sialan semuanya! Mereka menggadaikan dan menggadaikan lagi… Kau tidak boleh menangkap ikan, harus menjauh dari rerumputan, tidak boleh mematahkan pohon."

"Nikolay Sergeitch!" his wife's voice called from the drawing-room. "Agnia, call your master!"

"Nikolay Sergeitch!" suara istrinya memanggil dari ruang tamu. "Agnia, panggil tuanmu!"

"Then you won't stay?" asked Nikolay Sergeitch, getting up quickly and going towards the door. "You might as well stay, really. In the evenings I could come and have a talk with you. Eh? Stay! If you go, there won't be a human face left in the house. It's awful!"

"Jadi kau tidak mau tinggal?" tanya Nikolay Sergeitch, buru-buru berdiri dan berjalan menuju pintu. "Sebenarnya kau bisa saja tinggal. Pada malam hari aku bisa datang dan mengobrol denganmu. Ya? Tinggallah! Kalau kau pergi, tidak akan ada wajah manusia yang tersisa di rumah ini. Mengerikan sekali!"

Nikolay Sergeitch's pale, exhausted face besought her, but Mashenka shook her head, and with a wave of his hand he went out.

Wajah Nikolay Sergeitch yang pucat dan lelah memohon padanya, tetapi Mashenka menggelengkan kepalanya, dan dengan lambaian tangannya ia pun keluar.

Half an hour later she was on her way.

Setengah jam kemudian ia sudah dalam perjalanan pergi.