The Last Slow Dance

Thea had spent most of senior year perfecting the art of not looking at Declan directly. It was a skill that required constant, exhausting vigilance and had, as far as she could tell, accomplished nothing except making her extremely good at seeing him in her peripheral vision instead. They had two classes together, a handful of overlapping friends, and roughly four years of near-conversations that had never quite become an actual one. It wasn't out of dislike, she was sure, but out of the particular cowardice that convinces two shy people they are reading each other correctly when neither has said anything real enough to read. Had either of them simply asked, freshman year, four years of peripheral vision might have been unnecessary entirely.

Thea menghabiskan sebagian besar tahun terakhir SMA menyempurnakan seni tidak menatap Declan secara langsung. Itu keterampilan yang menuntut kewaspadaan terus-menerus dan melelahkan, dan, sejauh yang bisa ia lihat, tidak menghasilkan apa pun selain membuatnya sangat pandai melihat Declan dari sudut pandang perifer. Mereka sekelas dalam dua mata pelajaran, punya beberapa teman yang sama, dan sekitar empat tahun nyaris-percakapan yang tidak pernah benar-benar menjadi percakapan. Itu bukan karena tidak suka, ia yakin, melainkan karena kepengecutan khas yang meyakinkan dua orang pemalu bahwa mereka saling memahami dengan benar padahal tak satu pun mengatakan sesuatu yang cukup nyata untuk dipahami. Seandainya salah satu dari mereka sekadar bertanya, di kelas satu, empat tahun penglihatan perifer mungkin sama sekali tak perlu.

The graduation dance was, by unofficial tradition, the last chance anyone got to fix that kind of thing before it became permanent. Rarely had a gymnasium held so much unspoken material in one place. Thea knew this. She suspected Declan knew it too, given how carefully he'd been avoiding the same section of the gym she was avoiding, in what had started to resemble a very inefficient, very mutual game of chicken.

Pesta kelulusan itu, menurut tradisi tidak resmi, adalah kesempatan terakhir bagi siapa pun untuk memperbaiki hal semacam itu sebelum menjadi permanen. Jarang sekali sebuah gedung olahraga menampung begitu banyak hal yang tak terucapkan di satu tempat. Thea tahu itu. Ia menduga Declan juga tahu, melihat betapa hati-hatinya Declan menghindari bagian gedung yang sama yang ia hindari, dalam apa yang mulai menyerupai permainan nyali yang sangat tidak efisien dan sama-sama dijalani.

It was Priyanka, tired of watching both of them fail to act on the obvious, who finally intervened. She physically steered Thea toward the drink table where Declan happened to be standing, with the subtlety of someone who had clearly been recruited for exactly this purpose.

Priyanka, lelah melihat keduanya gagal bertindak atas hal yang jelas, yang akhirnya turun tangan. Ia secara fisik menggiring Thea ke meja minuman tempat Declan kebetulan berdiri, dengan kehalusan seseorang yang jelas direkrut tepat untuk tujuan ini.

"You two are genuinely exhausting to watch," Priyanka said, and left.

"Kalian berdua benar-benar melelahkan untuk ditonton," kata Priyanka, lalu pergi.

Neither of them spoke for a moment that felt considerably longer than it was. Then the DJ, with timing so convenient it bordered on suspicious, put on the last slow song of the night.

Tak satu pun dari mereka bicara selama sesaat yang terasa jauh lebih lama daripada kenyataannya. Lalu sang DJ, dengan waktu yang begitu pas sampai nyaris mencurigakan, memutar lagu pelan terakhir malam itu.

"We could," Declan said, not quite finishing the sentence, gesturing vaguely toward the dance floor with an expression that suggested he was fairly certain he was about to be turned down.

"Kita bisa," kata Declan, tak benar-benar menyelesaikan kalimatnya, menunjuk samar ke arah lantai dansa dengan ekspresi yang menyiratkan ia cukup yakin akan ditolak.

"We could," Thea agreed, in the same unfinished way, and somehow that was enough.

"Kita bisa," Thea setuju, dengan cara tak selesai yang sama, dan entah bagaimana itu cukup.

Dancing badly, at a respectful distance that gradually stopped being respectful and started being simply closer, Thea found herself doing something she hadn't managed in four years. She was actually saying the thing, instead of performing elaborate peripheral-vision choreography around it. "I've liked you since junior year. I never said anything because I genuinely thought you'd say no."

Berdansa dengan buruk, pada jarak yang sopan yang perlahan berhenti menjadi sopan dan mulai sekadar menjadi lebih dekat, Thea mendapati dirinya melakukan sesuatu yang tak berhasil ia lakukan selama empat tahun. Ia benar-benar mengatakannya, alih-alih menampilkan koreografi penglihatan perifer yang rumit di sekelilingnya. "Aku suka kamu sejak kelas dua. Aku tidak pernah bilang karena aku benar-benar mengira kamu akan menolak."

"I've liked you since the hallway thing in tenth grade," Declan said. "I never said anything because I assumed you were out of my league and didn't want to find out I was right."

"Aku suka kamu sejak kejadian di lorong waktu kelas sepuluh," kata Declan. "Aku tidak pernah bilang karena kukira kamu terlalu bagus untukku dan aku tidak mau mengetahui bahwa aku benar."

"We're both idiots."

"Kita berdua bodoh."

"Catastrophically. We had four years."

"Sangat parah. Padahal kita punya empat tahun."

"We have tonight," she said, "and apparently a group chat's worth of friends who've been planning this exact moment since October."

"Kita punya malam ini," katanya, "dan rupanya sekelompok teman yang sudah merencanakan momen ini sejak Oktober."

He laughed, and didn't let go when the song ended, and neither of them looked over to check whether Priyanka was watching, though both of them were fairly sure she was.

Declan tertawa, dan tidak melepaskan tangannya saat lagu berakhir, dan tak satu pun dari mereka menoleh untuk memeriksa apakah Priyanka sedang melihat, meski keduanya cukup yakin ia melihat.